From the Blog

“It Gets Easier.”

I hear this often. When I tell someone I have twin newborns, I get sympathetic, earnest looks and encouragement:  “It gets easier.” I believe this must be true, that it will get easier, at some time, some point in the future.

Wait, no I don’t.

I was told it gets easier when the babies get to be three months old. Well, that was a couple weeks ago, and I’m still waiting for the “easier” to start. Our guys were born a little premature. So when we brought them home, all they really did was eat, sleep and fart out mustard-colored poo. They were just mushy-faced little dudes in those first few weeks.

Dave and I high-fived each other, because it was pretty easy. Sure, we had to get up and feed them every three hours. But all they did was eat and go back to sleep. Easy! I heard people say it gets easier, and I wondered how hard it was for other people. Because it wasn’t that hard for us in the beginning.

But now. But now. Now, they are “waking up.” They are no longer little mushy faced premature dudes. Now they are bright eyed and starting to smile. They no longer want to sleep all day. They want to stay up and be cute. And are they cute? Holy shit, yes they are.

Now they watch me enter the room, and smile, which melts my heart. I feed them, and they want to hang out after. I cuddle them and they bob their heads and look around. They want to chat and coo and tell me stories. It’s wonderful.

However. If I put them down, they fuss. If I’m holding one guy, the other invariable needs something. They are adorable, but now they actually need me. They aren’t just little blobby dudes anymore. They want to be entertained.

Yes, I realize this is parenthood. But it’s not really getting easier. It’s getting harder. Right now, in the moment I am writing this, it is mid afternoon, and I have not showered. I have been alternating rocking one boy or the other in adjacent rockers. Sometimes, they scream at the same time, which is fun for me and the neighbors. I have to sing song to the guys and try to explain that I can only take care of one or the other at a time. But they don’t give a shit. They are completely unreasonable. They have moments where they scream until their heads turn into little red tomatoes and I wonder if there is such a thing as babies popping blood vessels in their tiny little brains.

Don’t get me wrong. These babies are ah-door-able. I love them even when they scream like little psychos. I love them even when my back is turned and I hear one of them let off a tremendous, liquid poo. And I turn around and they both look guilty. Changing twin diapers is like a shit shell game. You have guess who’s cooking the beans.

You know what I’d like? I’d like to read a book. I’d like to eat breakfast before 10 am. I’d like to shower, maybe. I’m such a goddamned whiner.

Okay. It gets easier. I’m waiting. I’m waiting over here in my own unshowered stink cloud.

Comments

  1. Dori Strom says:

    All those people that told you ‘it gets easier’ LIED!!!!!!! I was told the same thing but you know what???When they are teenagers is the hardest part of all. I think the best time is between crawling and 5. Right now bouncers and/or saucers are life savers! Good luck! Miss you all and Love you lots!

  2. They lied. It doesn’t get easier, it gets different. I’m the parent of an almost teen, and I can attest to the fact that it does NOT get easier. Luckily just when you think you can’t take on phase anymore, something new comes along to kick it’s ass. So hang in there.

  3. Yep, they lied. But think of it – who’s going to tell you the TRUTH, anyway?
    Could be our experience was the Worst Ever.
    Could be you’ve got the milkshake that gets all the babies into the yard.

    Without all the facts, well – we lie. And you know you’ll do the same when it’s your turn to pass along those cliched truisms.

  4. It’s a goddamned conspiracy! No really, it’s a goddamned conspiracy!

  5. Some things get harder while others may get easier. They stay awake longer during the day, they start to sleep more at night. They cry harder and louder, they smile more and start laughing. They eat more at one sitting, they eat more efficiently. They poo bigger, you get real good at changing diapers.

  6. Thanks for the comments, all. Today, I have gotten maybe 45 minutes where they were both sleeping at the same time. Besides that, fussing all day! Fun!

  7. Read a book? Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
    I had 3 kids in 6 years and didn’t get to read for a decade (now, with two in high school and one in college I finally have a stack of reading by my bed again :-)

  8. Lesley Anctil says:

    From a “very experienced” mom of one 13 month old…..throughout the year, fussiness decreases, sleep increases, independent play increases, smiles, laughter and interaction increase, food consumption occurs less frequently, poop gets more solid……all of which to me have made a world of difference. Of course not every day, but you know. Bring on teenage years… and hang in there….looking forward to seeing you guys soon.

  9. I’ll take your “it get’s better” and raise you a “savor these moments”.

  10. i have had the pleasure of hearing a tremendous liquidy poo, once. it truly was astounding. even now, as i remember and type this, i am howling with laughter. it was awesome. i wish i were closer to help. the chillin’s don’t scare me so much anymore… but i don’t change diapers, sorry. i am planning on going to my graves without ever having done that.

  11. ooh, and nice comment Darren!

  12. This is why they allow mothers to have beer and coffee. Showers are my time-out, when I get them. Minutes on end of pure me time…

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