From the Blog

I Never Thought I Was Going To Get Married

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I seriously never thought I was going to get married. Even in my early twenties, in the beginning of being of “marriageable age,” with my whole life ahead of me, I didn’t think I would ever be married. I saw people, who seemed impossibly young, pair off and tie the knot. I grew up in a small town, and twenty years ago, no one batted an eye at youthful marriages. It was encouraged. You were supposed to find the person to spend the rest of your life with and hurry up and marry them and settle down.

This seemed ill advised to me. I didn’t even know or like myself enough to spend the rest of my life with me, never mind some other person. I bounced around colleges, spent a summer at the Grand Canyon, and then moved to Boston when I was 21. I spent my twenties with long spells without relationships, and parades of broken relationships with fixer-upper losers.

So it was reasonable for me to assume I wasn’t ever going to get married.¬†And I was fine with that. Perhaps it was an instance of hoping for it, but doubting it would ever happen, so I convinced myself I didn’t want it. It’s a handy skill.

Ultimately, I never felt any pressure. I was happy being independant. Within the span of eight years, I moved to Santa Barbara. I moved to Los Angeles. I moved to Hawaii. I moved to Oregon. When I arrived in Portland, I was 35.

Three weeks after I got here, I met Dave. Dave never thought he was going to get married either. We were remarkably compatible that way.

One of the sweetest things Dave has ever said to me, was “I wish I met you twenty years ago, so I could have spent more time with you.”

I love this man.


Happy anniversary, muffin.


  1. Also, I never thought I was going to have kids, either. And look how that turned out.

  2. Michelle Higgins says

    Heather, this photo and read are the best of my day and perhaps the week – thank you for sharing in your fashion.

    I admit to feeling the very same way many years ago and now our son is starting his last year of high school! From teeth to teens is not that far. Are you kids going to get horns also?!


  3. You two are frigging adorable. A good advertisment for marriage to be sure.

    I don’t think I will get married either (I’m 39). Just haven’t met my unicorn yet, I suppose. I hope I do. :)

  4. Congratulations, and as always, I look forward to reading about your adventures.

  5. Great…..have this published!

  6. “fixer-upper losers” lol!!! so true, so true, for that period of youth. i think everyone, at that age, is just searching for their identity, so we are all fixer-uppers. or maybe new constructioin. lol, i just love that phrase.

    happy anniversary to you both. love you lots, miss you. hope i can make it up there before the boys graduate…


  7. Congratulations Dave and Heather. Love can envelope you at any moment, now look what you have done. Grown horns had TWO kids and your parents moved to be near you. Love is the most powerful force in the universe.

  8. Yeah… I got married for the first (and only) time when I was 46. Kinda weird. I even took his name. Now THAT is weird. At first, I was all like “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?” He would just laugh, and say “Gettin’ ready, girl. Gettin’ ready for you.” Apparently I’m a handful.

  9. I had just about given up and was deciding to buy 50 cats and live out my days at the ripe age of 38 when I met my husband and then we had one wonderful little boy! Surprise! Congratulations to you!

  10. What a beautiful post! Many congratulations to you and your unicorn spouse.

  11. Hey!! It is so good to know of someone who has felt the way I have… People look at me strangely when I say “I never ever thought I would get married”. I was convinced I would live my life as a single lady. This is mostly because I never thought I would find someone compatible for me or who would love me enough. So all this makes my marriage to my husband far far sweeter. I think marrying someone when you never thought you would marry is far sweeter because it honors what marriage should be about (choosing to be with someone who fills your life in so many good ways) rather than because its something you should do, something expected of you. Happy day!

  12. Your romantic history sounds similar to mine. I’m going to be 34 soon and want to be married, but there are no good single men in sight (just a lot of “fixer-upper losers”). I stopped dating a year ago and started focusing on myself and the other relationships in my life. I hope I have an ending as happy as yours. Thank you for writing this.

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