From the Blog

On Not Feeding The Trolls

I don’t get a lot of trolls. I get maybe one or two troll comments a YEAR. So like, none, practically. And I do get trolls, they are usually drive by comments, people who find my blog randomly while searching for something. Like Mighty Putty, or Boob Fund Jars, or (almost) Failing DMV Tests, or real true stories about how to almost break your toe with shampoo bottles.

By design, I don’t write about “controversial” topics. I have opinions and stuff, and I think some people are idiots. But I bore myself just thinking about bloviating about politics or mommy wars or religion or shoes or whatever. I will gladly bloviate about toothbrushes. And I do rant, but it’s usually about some dumb thing I did myself.  And I do hold a special warm fire of hate in my dark heart for leaf blowers.

So what the hell do I write about that would attract trolls? I was stunned a few years ago to get a couple comments from someone outraged, OUTRAGED! that I was going to beautiful places in Oregon, taking pictures and writing about it. Because by writing about it, and sharing these places, I was going to ruin the state for people who live here. I was told to GO HOME, because it was all those rich Californians and East Coasters who were making it impossible for native Oregonians to continue to live here. He helpfully defined a “native Oregonian” as someone who goes back three generations.

One of my pregnancy stories was linked to by some anti-child site, and reviled as proof that pregnant women are idiots. They mused that my husband was certainly cheating on me since I was a fat cow. And if he wasn’t currently cheating on me, he certainly would after the little piglets came. They wondered if I would say “It was all worth it” in real life, because face it, that’s what all parents say about their squealing brats. One person lamented that I sounded smart before I became pregnant, but I clearly was now an imbecile. Fun group.

I got a comment recently from someone looking for a product review. And I wrote about said product, but instead of a review, I wrote a boring story about it. And this person was pissed that he somehow didn’t know how to use the internet, and got lost reading my stupid boring story. He determined that I must be fat and lonely, and by the way, I’m a terrible writer and I’m not funny at all. There were some crass sexual remarks in there for good measure, but he forgot to call me a bitch or a whore, so I am assuming he must have been off his game on the day he found my blog.

I have left all these comments unpublished. And I will continue to not allow troll comments. Most trolls see this as a violation of free speech. I see it as keeping a nice community. If you want free speech, the internet is a big place. Start your own blog. You don’t get to crap on mine.

Also, trolls: I’m sorry about your mom.



  1. Hey, now you’re famous – you have assholes.

  2. The drawings, how i have missed them! Your witty /snide comments along with your drawings is a perfect comic strip, daily calendar or blog all to itself!

  3. love it. i am especially delighted when people get all riled up over their own misinterpretation of what I write. it is priceless. and don’t ever internet date if you dislike trolls, it is a favorite hunting ground of theirs.

  4. HA! Thanks for sharing!

    I’m 32 and pregnant with my first child. I read your blog and two others that *might* be called mommy blogs… but not really. I’m just so relieved to find someone with a similar point of view about motherhood. I’m not a sunshine and lollipops kind of gal, but I’m still excited! Poop stories are the best, and humored realism is all I’m looking for.

  5. Ha! I’m 32, unmarried with no kids and not even sure how I stumbled across your blog, right as your boys were born. I LOVE reading you, simply because I imagine that I’m gonna act similar to you whenever I do end up with babies (and there’s a good chance I’ll also get twins because they run rampant in my fam). Your blog has also made me finally relent and let my boyfriend take me camping, because your posts make it seem like fun, for the most part.

    Like the above poster said, realism is all I’m looking for, too.

  6. My native husband has brought me and my native elsewhere kids back to his someplace maybe a bit too north of Oregon. Reading your blog is hysterically funny and heartwarming to me. THere is a chance of finding the love in this. The drawing, also, is killer.

  7. Thank you, everyone for your support. The vast majority of my readers are awesome. Just a tiny few live in dank basements and have tiny, tiny penises.

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