From the Blog

Don’t Tell Me To Calm Down

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One of the great things about our new place is that I believe I’m sleeping better. I had gone over a week sleeping really well each night. I woke up and felt refreshed and damn near giddy. I feel like a rockstar when I get enough sleep.

I didn’t sleep so great last night, and that’s all it takes for me to go from Happy Giddy Girl, to Come Too Close And I’ll Remove Your Nose From Your Face With My Teeth Girl. Part of why I didn’t get much sleep is that I’m ramping up for a fight with my health insurance company.

I got a letter a few days ago denying the claim for some tests my doctor ordered when I went in last month. I tossed it aside, meaning to to dispute the denial later. Their reasoning was “Due to diagnosis, test not medically necessary.”  Seriously. So because of the results of the test, it was deemed unnecessary. And if the test found I had a flaming case of crotchitis, I guess the test would have been medically necessary? Logic here, anywhere? Anyone?

So I had put the letter aside as a medium priority, and in the meantime, I got another letter with other tests they are denying, this time because of a “pre-existing condition.” Besides being prone to occasional and hilarious bouts of anxiety, I didn’t know I had one of those! I wonder where they got their info? Who is watching me?

What could they possibly be saying is a pre-existing condition? Besides going to the God Whammy Chiropractor (which I paid for out of pocket and never claimed on any insurance, so therefore it didn’t happen) I haven’t been to any doctor in YEARS. So this sitch got moved up to HIGH priority, so much so that I had a hard time sleeping (see anxiety, above.)

And I couldn’t wait to hear what they said. Pre-existing condition. Seriously. I think they just pull denials out of their asses, and hope the majority of claimants won’t bother to fight. Not medically necessary. Oh, yes? May I please speak with the person who is not my doctor, who did not examine me, who did not order these tests, who said the tests aren’t medically necessary? Please? I’d really like to speak with that person.

Okay? I called the insurance company today, after securing a vacant office to make the call. Because I don’t care to have my coworkers hear me yell at my insurance about my case of non-crotchitis. My crotch is just fine, for the record. In fact, my doctor made a point to compliment me on my lady business. It’s all just fine, thank you.

But you know what today is? It was Martin Luther King Day. A lot of people had it off. I didn’t. The insurance company was closed. While I may occasionally get irritated, I don’t often get full-on angry. I had a whole weekend and morning getting ready for a fight and they weren’t even open. Fricken bastards.

And because I’m not always rational, and I was not able to vent properly about my legitimate grievance, my perspective on everything else became rather suspicious and accusatory. Which leads me to the second half of what pissed me off today: Carrots.

The whole baby carrot thing is a racket. Do you remember baby carrots when you were a kid? Me neither. No such thing. Unless they engineered a whole new species of carrot, I postulate that some genius carrot marketing department contrived the whole baby carrot phenomena. And, I believe that baby carrots are actually adult carrots whittled down into baby shapes and foisted onto and eager an unsuspecting public.

You may feel it is petty for the esteemed halls of to champion the discredition (I made that word up) of baby carrots. But I say unto to you: Behold the proof…


I can’t wait for the offices of my insurance company to open.


  1. Heather’s going to go all Rambo on Blue Cross’ ass. Cheer up! We have a new president!!!!

  2. Insurance issues suck ass. Oh, and baby carrots? All they are are whittled down adult carrots. And they cost twice as much as normal carrots. I just cut carrot sticks in the morning, personally. Oh, and put in some peanut butter. Yummm….

    (I spy an IKEA container top… I use those for ice cream. Well, the container with the top, not just the top)

  3. Is there an HR person at your company? They’re kicking in for your care too, and BC is more likely to listen to a company than an individual’s phone calls or, well, angry letters..

  4. There was an old Looney Tunes cartoon where two gophers (Chip ‘n’ Dale knock-offs, really) find their forest is being destroyed. They follow the logging trucks to the sawmill/lumber yard to see what is happening to the trees and watch as a huge tree trunk is put on a lathe and sawed down to.. a single toothpick.

    Just like baby carrots.

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