From the Blog

Silverware Adventures

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It’s been a few months since The Roommate and I became, well, roommates, and after combining two households into one apartment with no closets, we have purged or consolidated our belongings into a cozy little nest. We’re settled in and pretty much have everything we need.

However, it was not long ago that we chafed from our lack of silverware. We could have easily combined our sets of silverware. But I’m um, quirky. Mismatched silverware disappoints me. I’ve discovered this about myself. I get a flash of annoyance every time I open the utensil drawer and see a carnival riot of mismatched forks, spoons and knives. It’s like I’m back in college and just happy not to have to eat with my fingers.

So I had enough silverware for four place settings. This is fine for one person. Not so great for two. When we had friends over for dinner, we sometimes needed to use salad forks for the main course. Horror! Horror! Horror!

It had been a top priority to get either another set of the same exact pattern, or get a whole new set for at least eight. We looked for silverware in all the usual places. We just wanted something plain and not outrageously expensive. There’s a lot of ornate, flowery, crappy silverware out there. And after seeing the utensils at Ikea, we concluded that the Swedes must have funny shaped mouths.

This went on for a while. Every time I had to wash a fork because we were out, the insanity got a little more powerful in my brain. Last week, I returned home to my parents’ house and realized where I got teh silverware crazy. In their house, not only does the silverware match, but it is spooned up and aligned perfectly in every slot. No out-of-place handles or wobbly stacks. The dishwasher is loaded so that there is a “spoon section” and a “fork section” and a “knife section.” Sharp knives, big spoons and other oddballs each have their own territory in the dishwasher. All this, as my mom explained, was because it’s easier to put everything away when they are clean. I get yelled at if I do it wrong. I get slapped sometimes, too.

Okay? We had been disheartened by our search and I was nearly resigned to spend a assload of money to get a decent, plain, matching set of goddamned silverware. We casually browsed in a suburban big box store and they had a set for 12 with all the silly matching ladles and cake knives and slotted spoons and all. It was epic. Plain, not flowery. And it wasn’t hundreds of dollars. I had a coupon and a gift certificate and we walked out of that crapmart with a giant set of silverware for under $25.00.

Now we have plenty of silverware. And it all matches. I don’t have to wash a spoon every time I have a cup of coffee. The birds sing a bit more merrily. All is right in the world.

Now I have an extra set for four that we no longer use (see matching, insane, etc, above). And we don’t really have storage for stuff we don’t use. So I gathered all the errant pieces and brought out the silverware out to my car with the intention of bringing it to Goodwill next time I think about it.

The problem is that I have a hatchback, and there is no enclosed space to put a bunch of clanging pieces of metal. So around every corner and over every bump, the silverware jostles noisily. And I slap my head and think “Gah! I have to go to Goodwill and drop that bullshit off!” And teh crazy grows a bit more in my brain.

But then as soon as I get out of the car, I forget all about it. Tweeting birds, bubbles popping, etc. I’m off and it’s forgotten. Until the next time.

I predict this will go on for the next 3 years.


  1. Hey wait a minute, *I* never chafed about lack of silverware. I was cool with my mismatched thrift store silverware collection, which you made me give back to the thrift store.

  2. At least it’s not those BB pellets or whatever they’re called rolling around under the drivers seat.

  3. I am SO with you, sister! :-)

  4. You could make a nice windchime with the old silverware.

  5. Steve, would it be a *nice* wind chime or merely annoying?

    “Sounds like silverware, so pretty.”

    (worked in restaurants for 6 years)

  6. What? No pictures of the new silverware???

    Re: silverware windchimes — Sometimes recycley crafts are super awesome and cool. For example, you can convert the leg of an old pair of sweatpants into a cool Keebler elf hat to wear at campsites, outdoor music festivals, and 420 celebrations (photos of 19-yr-old Robb doing such things in said hat are available upon request).

    Sometimes recycley crafts are uncool, like designating useless CDs as coasters past the age of 25 (which I still proudly do).

    Not to diss Steve, but unless your forks are tuning forks, using old silverware as windchimes sounds like it fits in the latter category.

  7. how about this?

    or this?

  8. Robbb, yes please, send photos of keebler hat. Can we post them here.

    Brigitta, those are actually pretty cool.

    Meredith, I will have to write about the BB-pellets-in-the-car story.

  9. the things brigitta posted are actually super cool, i think.

    heather, i honestly think I am your long lost sister, based on the dishwasher issue. Does your mom also put them in handles down? my mom (supposedly) and I bang heads over this constantly. How can they get clean when their dirty parts are all jammed downward?!?

    I too intensely dislike mismatched cutlery. so thank you len and sue for traveling the world so I could buy your silverware. That all matches.

  10. I’m told by the wife that all silverware should go handles up so someone doesn’t stab themselves when removing the clean silverware. Knives I can understand, but forks and spoons? How about paying attention and not just grabbing the silverware all willy-nilly?

    Oh and as far as matching silverware goes, we’re still using the mismatched silverware that came with the house we bought 2 years ago. Yup, the drawers were full, we weren’t going to waste it! The wife keeps hinting about buying a new set though.

  11. Hey Steve, maybe that’s a romantic Mother’s Day gift idea? Or perhaps it might get you stabbed?

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