From the Blog

Islands and Eye Wrinkles

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I left Hawaii because I was getting a wrinkle under my eye.

There were other reasons why I left a beautiful, lush, tropical paradise. But that was the major reason. An eye wrinkle.

It wasn’t gradual. I woke up one day and I had a huge friggen line under my eye. And ONLY on the RIGHT side! WTF! I would have felt BETTER if wrinkles were on both sides. The least I could ask for is to start looking haggard on both sides of my face at the same time.

There could have been a number of sources for this wrinkle. I scrupulously avoid sunscreen. Even when I lived that close to the equator. I know it’s important to wear sunscreen. I know it’s the smart thing to do. But I just don’t like it. Sunscreen makes sand stick to me. It makes me feel like I’m wearing a layer of plastic wrap. It feels extra gross to sweat while wearing sunscreen. Sometimes it smells funky. Though, admittedly, most of the time, it smells pretty good. I also dislike bug spray for all the same reasons. While I was in Hawaii, I was largely red and swollen from sunburns and bug bites. You can never loathe yourself too much.

Another wrinkle reason was waking up at 3 am to go to work. It was not a regular schedule where I could get accustomed to waking up that early. Sometimes work started at 4 in the morning, sometimes 9, sometimes 11, sometimes 1:30 pm. It’s cute when well-rested people tell me that sort of experience builds character.

The wrinkle could have also come from any number of other sources. Like the fact that my base-line anxiety level is probably higher than your normal, well-adjusted person. I feel incomplete without a certain number of things to worry about. It doesn’t stop me if there is nothing logical to worry about. I’ll come up with something. “Did I set my alarm? I think I did. Or was that last night? I can’t remember. Should I check? Didn’t I check already? Or was that last night?” I’ll drift off to sleep and wake up later. “Did I set my alarm?”

So a big friggen wrinkle! And it’s not going away! I don’t have a house, or a lawn or kids. I don’t even have a dog. I don’t even have a drug addiction! I’d like to have something to show for the lines on my face. I knew I couldn’t hope to get house, lawn, dog, etc in Hawaii. Or in California, for that matter. I could probably get a drug addiction in either of those places.

I’m hoping that Oregon is the happy medium. I like everything about Oregon so far. And you know what they say about the rain. It builds character.


  1. I blame California.

    That’s what we do up here in Oregon.

  2. Maybe your face is constructing a map, that wrinkle is North America. Just start visiting other parts of the workd and your face will be complete!!! And full of character!!!

  3. Do you sleep mostly on your right side? If so, that’s probably why…. try sleeping on your left; at least then you’ll be evenly wrinkled. Also, I agree with Dave- California causes wrinkles for people who don’t even live there!

  4. Since it is possibly hereditary, I’ll pass on the secret remedy. Go to a mirror. Put on sun glasses. Look in mirror. See no more wrinkles.

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