From the Blog

Fantasy Careers, Part 2

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As I was beginning to consider escaping leaving Los Angeles, I was also thinking about making a significant career change. All my giant, life-altering freak outs come wrapped as a package. Though they would be considerably easier to manage, they don’t really come a la carte. My “location” is tied to “job,” which is tied to “what I’d rather be doing,” which is tied to my “feelings of productiveness.” Vague dissatisfaction is like yummy gravy. It goes with your stuffing, mashed potatoes and turkey. It ties everything together. And everyone wins.

Over here I introduced the concept of My Fantasy Careers. Most everyone can relate to daydreaming about a different job. If you really love what you do for work, congratulations. Also, you suck. But I’m happy for you. Sort of.

But most people probably want to be doing something else. Since I am an accountant, and therefore repressed, my fantasy-career-daydreams border on pornographic. There are many, many delightful things I’d rather be doing. So here’s the second installment of Fantasy Careers:

Green Building/Sustainable Design Advocate/Salesperson Or Something

I’m guessing that the rest of the country is pretty excited about being green and sustainable. But up here, it’s a wild, Raging Green Inferno of Sustainability and Greenness. We love that green stuff up here! There’s something in the news everyday about Portland being, like the greenest city ever. I think this is great! We need to get our shit together people! Global warming is here now! And I hate sunscreen!

So I love the idea, but I’m not really sure what I could “do” in respect to promoting sustainable design and green building. I’ve only had a nebulous idea of what job I would want in that area. I like the idea of consulting. You give me a building, and I’ll show you how to retrofit and make it less horrible for the environment. Or, tell me you need a new building and I’ll design it up green for you.

I think though, maybe? I’m not really qualified, a little? So I was wondering about going back to school. I could get a Masters of something. I like school. I’m smart sometimes. That BA in Humanities has really opened some doors for me. I like the idea of getting a Degree in Design, even though I’m not exactly sure what that means. But I think I’m halfway there, because I like the “concept.”

But I never thought I’d go to grad school, because I would do horribly on the GRE. I’m a poor test taker. I got through college by writing papers. And I think the GRE, and standardized tests in general, are total bullshit. I really do. Are they testing your aptitude? Or your aptitude to take a test prep class? And doesn’t that cost money? So what are they testing exactly? No grad school for me, because I’m bitter and I’m totally protesting the GRE because it’s classist. I just made up that word.

So if the being-smart-and-going-to-school option is out, I could probably do some sort of sales. I could sell green design like crazy! Let me show you how it saves the environment! Let me show you how it could save you money, maybe! You can grow grass on your roof, and it’s almost like having an air conditioner!

But I get nervous I’d end up becoming a carpet salesperson. Or some other flooring salesperson. I don’t know why, but selling flooring ALMOST sounds worse than doing accounting. In my mind, I have a basis of comparison for “career awfulness” so that I don’t slip further into the abyss. Selling flooring would probably be a lateral move from accounting. Being a car rental store manager, in my mind, is the lowest bar of career awfulness.

Since everyone is so nuts for the green design, especially here, I’m sure there are jobs out there. If so, they should hire me. I’d sell the shit out of green design.


  1. To start this journey, I think you need to be a sunscreen sales person.

  2. I would hardly describe daydreaming of a career in “Green Building/Sustainable Design Advocate/Salesperson Or Something” as bordering “on pornographic”.

    But then, I’m not an accountant. ;-)

  3. Just think of all those green thinking folks who are touting ethanol and are now finding out the world is starving because their food is being turned into fuel. Those folks are fantasizing about being accountants.

  4. @Dave :
    I suppose it depends on your sales technique…

  5. Seriously, LMAO, wow, Heather, you have no idea how much I sit around at work and day dream about how I could have a so called green job. I love the environment, and I tout my green horn down here in Eugene, but how the hell can I make money from that? I’m an engineer but I am not into R & D or anything so its not like I can invent anything. What about starting a company that sells wind generators for super cheap and installing them on every roof…sounds like fun to me….heh

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