From the Blog

Friday Furry Little Bastard Blogging

I’m an unmarried woman, in her mid thirties, who blogs about her cat. I’m fulfilling a neglected niche. Feel free to exit now. Otherwise, read on about how he’s a furry little bitch.

Owning a cat means I signed up for a number of things. One of them is having a box of shit in my house. Also, owning many assorted lint rollers. And, I live in a one-room studio, with no way to separate myself at night, so I am accustomed to having an extra 12 pound weight on my chest when I sleep. I buy food and kitty litter and he’s been a pretty healthy cat, except for occasional episodes.

He scratches my furniture, perforates my mattress, hangs on my bed skirt, and demands that I share my cranberry juice. I have learned not to get nice furniture because he shreds it to the bone. I am holding my breath that he will not be interested in the nice leather couch I’ve have inherited from a friend. Because if he claws it, I might have to cut off his feet and eat them for dinner.

It may seem like I wouldn’t call my cat a furry little son-of-a-bitch if I really loved him. I do love my cat. However. Lately, he’s taken to waking up at 3 to 4 am, ready to party. He’s been standing on me early in the morning and meowing loudly in my face. And he climbs over to my bedside table and paws at items: water bottles, tissue boxes, cell phones, until they end up on the floor. And he thunders around the place and finds things to make noise with. This is all new behavior.

I wear earplugs to bed to block out this racket. I’ve come to learn that some noises will instantly wake me from a deep sleep. I can’t be sure, but I’m hoping that the “Intruder with Hatchet” noise would wake me up. But the “clawing couch” noise could wake up the dead.

I don’t want my cat to claw my furniture. But truthfully, I’d rather not wake up every time he does it. I’d rather sleep through it. But sometimes it’s hard. It wakes me up, and I yell, and he ignores me, so I throw things, usually pillows, and by the end of the night, I’m pillowless. See what I mean? Total fricken bastard cat!

The quickest way for me to lose my mind is to not get enough sleep. My whole world falls apart. Even after one single night of not-so-great sleep, I can’t articulate, I get clumsy and I can’t concentrate. I also get impatient and crabby and I think the whole world is really not as nice to me as it should be.

I’ve been thinking about the potential causes for this new nighttime behavior. It’s been a little warmer during the day, so maybe the cat is sleeping more. And he’s up more at night. Or is it new food? Or that a new neighbor cat has moved in next door? Or most likely, I’m not paying enough attention to him? But that’s nothing new. I never give him enough attention. The WHOLE PURPOSE of owning a cat is that you can ignore them. Why is he complaining now?

If I wanted to live with a creature that actually needed goddamned human interaction, I would have gotten a dog a long time ago. A bulldog. And I’d name him Spud.


  1. Meredith says

    My kitty can go alllllll night meowing at the bedroom door. She doesn’t ever get tired. I get up, go to work, and she sleeps all day. Great for her, bad for me.

  2. I think I may have discovered what’s wrong with my cat. Last night (Sunday night), I rolled over and realized he had puked on my bed. Like, in the sheets! F-ing gross!

    But it made me realize, he doesn’t like the food I bought a week ago. He hasn’t been eating much. And he’s always yowling at me in the kitchen (near his food) even though his dish was full.

    So I can’t really think of anything grosser than a pet vomiting in your bed. But it’s a good way to communicate to me: “Hey! Dumbass! Get me different food!”

  3. We have two cats. One is a noisy bastard, and the other is an adorable little squeeze-muffin. He even lets the dog chew on his head. I don’t get it.

  4. put foil over the couch. i know, inconvenient, but it will improve your radio reception and prevent aliens from inhabiting your couch. and keep the cat from clawing it. they don’t like how it feels against their sensitive paw pads.

  5. We have four cats. I highly recommend this as the synergy of behaviors and personalities is very entertaining, although it does mean that we buy 90 lbs of kitty litter at a time.

  6. BTW – We just discovered an EXCELLENT way to prevent certain cat behaviors: canned air. Hold the can 8 – 10 inches away and press the button. Works wonders.

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