From the Blog

Cats: The Sociopaths of Pets

It’s Friday Furry Bastard Blogging, now on Thursday!  It’s how we roll here, bitches!

Tomorrow is a travel day for me, and you won’t be at work wasting time and reading blogs tomorrow anyway.  So TODAY is a good day to pound another nail into my eventual spinster-crazy-cat-lady coffin.

This is an email discussion I had with Dave, who is unabashedly afraid of cute, furry kitties:

“I think it’s weird to *not* be afraid of cats; they have no conscience. They’re the sociopaths of pets. They all have Antisocial Personality Disorder. Seriously:

Three or more of the following are required:

1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;

2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;

3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;

4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;

5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others;

6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;

7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.

I think cats hit all seven points.”

Me: “Dinger may claw furniture and puke on my bed, but I’ll have you know, he’s NEVER been arrested.”

Dave and Dinger

Comments

  1. Well, it doesn’t apply *exactly* to cats. Items 5 and 6 might be
    hard to pin on a cat. And the ‘arrest’ part of 1. But that’s still
    4.5 out of 7, and you only need 3 to be a sociopath.

  2. @ Dave

    But how do you know about #2 – you’re putting your own judgment on whether they do this for personal pleasure (surely not profit). I don’t think you could prove #3 either, so that’s only 2.5 out of 7. Not sociopaths. The end.

  3. Heather says:

    Doesn’t “cute” and “furry” make up for “irritability” and “aggressiveness”?

  4. Diane – I can see the cats have fooled you.

    Heather – Are you talking about the cat?

  5. Isn’t it funny how cats always seem to gravitate toward people who are mean to them/hate them? We have a friend who comes over who’s allergic and tries hard to stay away from the cats and all they want to do is rub themselves all over him. It’s awesome!

    • This is because cats see direct eye contact as threatening. To them, a person trying to avoid them and lack of eye contact is saying “I’m friendly and I like you!”

  6. I would like to complain about the US-centric attitude displayed on this blog. Your exotic international readers (ahem) do not recognise last Friday as a day of not being in work wasting time reading blogs. Just because on that day you celebrate the right to be independent from us and spend the day not reading blogs doesn’t mean your former progenitors are not participating in normal office-based work-avoidance blog-reading.
    wah.

  7. Heather says:

    Sorry, Liza. I’ll eat some fish and chips in your honor!

Speak Your Mind

*