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What Happens When An Accountant Catches A Cold

Right now, I am super pissed at myself that I have not kept track of cold medicines that actually work. I don’t get sick very often, usually once a year or less. So by the time I finally catch a cold, I have forgotten what cold medicine works for me. I usually take whatever may be in our medicine cabinet, hoping I find something that might do the trick.

But, no. I took some Benadryl this morning for Allergies and Congestion. I don’t have allergies, but I figured maybe the decongestant might work. No. Didn’t touch it. Stuffy with sinus pressure as much as ever. And the only other medicine I had in there was Immodium, and ha, what a secondary issue that would create.

So I needed to go get some cold medicine. And the cold medicine aisle throws me into a consumerist rage just the way the toothbrush aisle does. Why would we ever need so many choices? Just one brand has dozen different types of cold medicines. Do you have a sore throat and nasal congestion? How about chest congestion? Sinus pressure with cough? Allergies with headache? Stuffy nose with aches and pains? Do you want pills with a cool burst, or a liquid with comforting warming action?

And if you look at the drugs on many of these, they are THE SAME. Just the color on the box is different. And the primary drug is aspirin. You get 5 mg or 10 mg of this or that. But basically, all the the stuff is the same. The manufactures are just hoping you’re a monkey. And you shop by color and how big the letters are.

And why label anything “Severe” Cold and Sinus? Who’s going to pick the regular shit, the “non-severe” crap, when the powerful stuff is right next to it?  When I’m sick, my sickness is ALWAYS severe, no matter how mild it is.

So I was in such an aisle today and I was kicking myself for not doing the thing that I always say I’m going to do whenever I get sick. I need to create a spreadsheet and track all the goddamned different cold medicines I’ve tried so I know which ones to NOT get. Because by the time I get sick again, if something worked or didn’t work, I won’t remember. And if only I had been keeping track in a spreadsheet, I could reference what I had gotten in the past. And I could leave myself a note to “get this one,” or “don’t get that one,” and I could save myself some time and frustration when I’m sloppy and sick, when I am also at the height of my beauty and charm.

Do you know how awesome spreadsheets are? They are friggin awesome. They have rows and columns. My first entry will be the only thing that works every time: Nyquil. I love Nyquil. It dries me up and it knocks me out. Counter intuitively, Dayquil does NOT work for me. I have been lead astray enough times by the Quils to know that Ny works, Day doesn’t. How could they be so different? How do you screw that up?

I’m going to go take half a bottle of Nyquil right now. I’ll see you in a week.

Comments

  1. Aleve Cold and Sinus (or Aleve-D now?). The kind the meth-heads like, with pseudoephedrine in it.

    Works so well you’ll hate it because you can go back to work.

    • Oh! And I tried this, because it’s always my mom’s recommendation. And I hate gargling with salt water. But I was in so much discomfort, I got up in the middle of the night to gargle with goddamned warm salt water.

      Didn’t work. Adding it to the spreadsheet.

  2. On a possible reason to get the non-severe version: I know the quick-acting Combat (roach killer) doesn’t work, and the regular Combat does. So maybe there’s a similar difference between severe and non-severe versions of cold medicines. Or maybe the severe version has more poisons in it or more things to give you a tingly feeling or something.

    I’ve decided to get only single-symptom stuff, and then use only the stuff for whatever symptoms I have. Usually I have a new symptom each day, though, rather than all of them at once.

  3. Aunty Laurie says:

    I never understood why anyone would get relief from warm salt water, Never worked for me. Peroxide 25%, water 75%, gargle with that, Warning, it will sting, but stop being a big baby, you can thank me when a mere few hours later you notice that your sore throat is markedly better. Also works really well on canker sores. ( Disclaimer, I’m not a Doctor, but I spent 4 hours in an emergency room this morning.)

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