From the Blog

My Anxiety Fairy

You might not know this about me, but I’m a tad high strung. You’d never guess, would you? Even in the best possible moments, I’m always a little worried about something. Sometimes I make the most of it, knowing that my anxiety is mostly self inflicted. Worrying can be an entertaining game, if I can step back from it and “see” what’s going on. If I can rationally pull it apart and see where its coming from, I can play with it a little. And I can make fun of myself a bit. And then I share it on the internet.

Anxiety, or at least my anxiety, is also conditional and chemical, and probably certifiable. “Hello, Anxiety, I see what you are trying to do there. I’d rather be sleeping, but sure, I’ll hang out with you from 2 to 4 am.” Sometimes it’s not so fun. Sometimes I have legitimate items that truly are worrying, and they don’t get smaller and disappear when I parse them out.

I have one of those things going on right now. A total, legit, big, fricken stressful freaky thing going on right now. It’s not something I can fix, it’s not something I can downplay, it’s not something I have control over. I just have to wait for good news, or bad news. And hope. I’m on pins and needles. More than usual. It sucks.

I was thinking about these instances, when we feel as though we are under the whim of indiscriminate forces, and we seek a way to feel a little more in control. You know how some people “pray” to the “Parking Fairy” when they are searching for a parking spot? And if you actually get a good spot, or if you find a spot quickly, it feels like you are being rewarded by the Parking Fairy? Like you must have done something good, or you must have prayed hard enough that the Parking Fairy waved her sparkly wand created a parking spot for you? When things are easy and good, doesn’t it feel like “someone” had to be on your side?

Likewise, when things are hard or stressful, isn’t it nicer to find something to blame? If there were such fairy beings, figure I must have an Anxiety Fairy. Our neuroses do sort of take on a presence, don’t they? Almost a personality. A constant companion, usually an unwelcome one. I’ve thought about this. If I have a fairy following me around, I’ve begun to think about what she looks like.

I don’t like the Anxiety Fairy. Especially her frizzy 80s mom hair. Maybe she’s too frazzled or too busy, or she just doesn’t have the time or the self preservation to get herself a better haircut. She still thinks it looks good, and her self assuredness is irritating.

She’s not on my side. But, she’s not very smart. I can usually outwit her. But this week, she’s got the big guns.

I will be glad when she buzzes off. Her and her stupid hair.

Comments

  1. I always have around three or four anxiety producing situations going on in my life at one time. I am a firm believer in doing what you can from your end and then getting on with life.

    Do what you can from your end!

    Next.

    Katy

  2. At the end of the day, isn’t that why wine and beer were created? To pour on her stupid head?

  3. I’ve always found that trying to overcome anxiety and insecurity can push achievements to higher levels. (the trick is to avoid ulcers while doing it).

  4. the thought of changing her hair produces too much anxiety. thats why it is still 80s mom hair.

  5. Whew! Independent health insurance policy procured. The Anxiety Fairy just got punched in the face.

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