From the Blog

Awful Neighbor Stories

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I love my apartment. I love that it’s mine. I love being home.

My apartment does has a couple drawbacks. Since it’s a studio, I have no door with with to isolate my cat from my face when I’m trying to sleep. I’m also a little concerned that being in my mid thirties, while living in a studio, has been the reason why I eat cookies for dinner has caused my maturity level to regress a little. It’s hard to have sophisticated dinner parties with all my chic urban friends when my kitchen is the size of a nostril.

But it has nice light, wood floors, it’s pretty cheap and I can walk to almost everything. The building residents seem to be a mix of professionals, hipsters and creepy people. It’s pretty quiet most of the time.

Except now, I have a young kid for a neighbor who moved in downstairs. He suddenly seems to have lost his mind. He’s always played music a little loud, a little late. It was obnoxious, but not out of control. I already wear earplugs to bed and the noisiness didn’t seem to be happening all the time. I just figured he was young and wasn’t properly house trained.

But now! A few Saturday nights ago, he and a bunch of his friends found a way onto the roof of our building. They probably came home from the clubs at 3 in the morning, all tweeked out and high on E. And they hung out on the roof. And thumped around and shouted and laughed until 4 or 5 in the morning. I live on the top floor and this caused the doors in my apartment to rattle. Then they came in and the laughter and music would start in the apartment below. Music with the deep, booming bass.

This happened two weekends in a row. I spoke to someone at my property management company the next Monday morning. They bolted the door to the roof with three new padlocks. And they posted a notice in the lobby saying the roof was off limits and anyone who goes up there in violation of their lease, etc. After that, it was sort of quiet. This lasted for a few weeks.

But NOW! Over the weekend, there was a big noisy party in the apartment downstairs. Thumpy music. It was friggin hot, so the windows have been open. This a non smoking building, but the cigarette smoke blew in my window from below.

I emailed my property management company on Monday. They said they’d send him a letter. And if it continued, they would issue him violations fines. At least they seem to be responsive.

BUT NOW! The pounding music seems to be every night this week! And? I think he joined a band because this kid has been playing a DRUM SET in the middle of the night. Really? Are we monkeys? Who does something like that? I hear this THROUGH the earplugs. I think I heard him yell out the window Sunday night: “I’m the king of the world!” I am not joking.

AGAIN last night. I got BETTER earplugs. They work great. Except jackhole downstairs seems to think our apartment building is a tweekers after-hours club. Clearly, he hasn’t been socialized and doesn’t care that he may be keeping his neighbors up.

I’m calling the property management company today. But in the middle of the night, what do I do? Leave a nasty note? Jump on my floor? Yell? Put on a bathrobe and pound on his door? Would the cops come, if I called them? I can’t be the only one affected by this.

It’s cute to fantasize doing horrible, outrageous, hilarious things to get back at him. Because, you know, my life is a sitcom. But I’m really at my wits’ end. And I don’t have a lot of wits to spare.


  1. <—How to make a noise nuisance complaint.

    You might be SOL trying to get a cop out on the weekend, but they tend to respond within a few hours during the weeknights.

  2. Keep calling the management company… and if you can, get your other neighbors to complain too. Also, DEFINITELY call the cops and cite the following, from Portland’s city code:

    “18.12.020 Specific Prohibitions.

    “B. Sound producing or reproducing equipment. Operating or permitting the use or operation of any device designed for sound production or reproduction in such a manner as to cause a noise disturbance; or operating or permitting the operating or use of any such device between the hours of 10 p.m. and 7 a.m. so as to be plainly audible within any dwelling unit which is not the source of sound; or operating any such device on public property or on a public right of way so as to be plainly audible 50 feet or more from such device provided that a person operating any such device in a City park pursuant to a permit granted by the Commissioner In Charge of the Park Bureau shall be in violation only if the device is plainly audible at any point along the park boundary.”

    Also note this:

    “18.18.030 Civil Penalties and Fees.

    “A violation of this Title may result in assessment of civil penalties or enforcement fees, as provided below:
    “A. Civil penalties.

    “1. For each separate violation, a civil penalty of up to $5,000 may be assessed.”

    You may want to print out the preceding paragraphs directly from the website, highlight the part about the $5,000 fine, and post it anonymously on his fucking door.

  3. Awesome, guys! Thanks! Robbb, I love having lawyers for friends!

  4. What, “friends”? My bill’s in the mail!


  5. Call the electric company and have them turn the power off for that apartment on a Friday or Saturday when you know the partying will be bad. Then maybe call the cable company, water company, towing company. Domestic disturbance you hear? Make his life hell, anonymously.

  6. OMG!!!I would move. Before we moved into the apt we live in now. the landlord told us he plays his stereo loud if he knows we’re not home. Bullcrap!
    We get home after school and work and the base on his stereo is blaring everyday because he works a graveyard shift. Not only that he and his wife live like pigs. their house is disgulstingly cluttered and filthy. their garbage cans always topple over with garbage strewn allover the backyard. It’ horrid. We’re search for another place to live. There’s obvious dysfunction and ignorance when it comes to people like your neighbor and this loser and his wife. Hope your problem gets resolved.

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