From the Blog

We Are One Of THOSE Couples

Over the weekend in Portland, Dave and I visited one of the restaurants we used to frequent for breakfast. We don’t like to wait at restaurants. Or rather, I’m ambivalent. But Dave super hates waiting in line for pretty much anything. The ferocity of his dislike balances out my ambivalence. So I can just say “we don’t like waiting for a table.”

Thankfully, this restaurant has both good breakfast and there is no wait, even on a weekend. The server recognized us though we haven’t visited in four months. We sat down, got our coffee and ordered our breakfast.

Then, in unison, Dave and I pulled out our phones and busily started poking away.

We are one of THOSE couples.

An outside observer would assume we disliked each other. They might look at us and think we were the embodiment of a hackneyed cliche. They might think we don’t appreciate the beautiful person sitting across the table from us. Or in the very least, we were being rude.

We ought to be talking to each other, instead of burying our noses into our phones, right? We ought to be telling each about our day, sharing our lives, canoodling over our coffee. Life is just passing us by, and we don’t even look up to see it.

Sound familiar? Haven’t we all had these thoughts about someone at some point?

However. Do you have any inkling how much goddamned time we spend together? We both work from home, in the same room, together. We go on walks together. We spend hours in the car together. We visit Portland, go to events, catch up with friends, and visit family, together. We go on trips, camp outdoors, and hike goddamned mountains, together. Together, together, together. Pretty much 24 hours a day, every day.

All this togetherness, and we still like each other. We have no pretense about finding meaning in every moment we spend in each others’ presence. Because that would be fricken exhausting. If he sits across from me and taps away at his phone, I know he’s not being rude. He’s checking his twitter feed. I know this, because I’m doing it too. We might even be having a conversation over Twitter. That’s so awful, isn’t it? Could we be bigger douche bags? How can we even stand ourselves?

But we have an understanding. And we are remarkably compatible. We can be silent, and be perfectly comfortable in our own little worlds. Together. We don’t feel the need to play any parts, even under the glare of coffee drinking, breakfast eating public scrutiny. We understand each other perfectly.



  1. You two are too cute!

  2. Peter and I do this too, but I’m only cool with it out in the open, and only if I’m phone-nerding at the same time. ^_^ Luckily, he’s patient with me when I want to do some talking. :D

  3. When my wife and I met, we were both unemployed (well, I had just started my own business, but it was functionally the same as unemployment for the first two years.) I know this feeling well.

    When you spend every waking moment with someone for months on end, a little silence now and then isn’t a bad thing.

  4. Matt and I have been told that we use Twitter to talk to each other the way other couples use the phone. To this I say, “Bah.” Pre-marriage & kids we set up our first (wired) network at home so that we could chat the same way we did before we lived together. It’s a part of our relationship that we enjoy. The only reason people don’t know that out in public is because part of our frugal lifestyle is me not having a fancy phone. Otherwise, we’d be doing it too. In fact, I’m sure we did back in the day when we both had Sidekicks. Just another reason we shouldn’t be all judgey when we are people watching.

  5. I swear you look into my head. This is SPOT ON my SO and I. Work from home. Camping. Hiking. Portland. Together.

    I love your blog, by the way =)

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